Outgrowing Your old Self: What happens when you’re evolving
When we think about healing, we often picture a peaceful journey, one where everything slowly falls into place. But the truth is, healing can feel incredibly lonely before it feels like growth. The first thing that comes to mind is Matthew 5:4 (KJV):
“Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
This scripture reminds us that mourning, whether it’s over the old version of ourselves, broken relationships, or missed opportunities, is a necessary step before comfort and renewal. The version of you that you’re leaving behind may have been fun, spontaneous, and carefree, but that version also came with chaos, dysfunction, and distractions that no longer serve where you’re going. And before you can step into who you’re becoming, there’s often a period of isolation that feels like loss. But that solitude? That’s where transformation begins.
The Shift Begins with Self-Reflection. It usually starts after a life-altering moment, giving birth, graduating college, losing a loved one, or experiencing heartbreak. Something that shakes you to your core and makes you pause long enough to ask, “Is this where I want to be?”
Suddenly, you find yourself reevaluating everything:
- Who am I, really?
- What do I like about myself?
- What do I want to change?
- How do I love, and how do I want to be loved?
- What boundaries do I need to set?
This self-reflection is uncomfortable because it forces you to confront what’s been ignored. And once you’re honest with yourself, you realize that not everyone can come with you on this journey. Distance becomes necessary from the people who you love, not because you stopped loving them, but because you’re protecting what you’re building within yourself.Solitude Isn’t Punishment, It’s Preparation During this season of growth, solitude becomes your best friend. You’ll find yourself saying things like:
- “I can’t go out tonight, I need to study.”
- “I’m staying in because I have to get up early for work.”
- “I’m skipping the phone calls because I’m journaling and praying.”
It’s not that you’re pushing people away, it’s that you’re cleaning out the distractions so you can hear your own voice and, most importantly, hear from the Lord Jesus. And not everyone willunderstand that. Some people will take it personally, thinking you’re changing or acting funny. But in reality, you’re not changing for them, you’re evolving for yourself.
And honestly? That’s okay.
Healing Hurts Before It Heals. Here’s the part people don’t talk about: healing hurts. When you confront your trauma, triggers, and unhealed wounds, it’s messy. You might lash out, withdraw, or feel emotionally drained. And because you don’t want your pain to spill over and affect those around you, sometimes it’s better to step back and heal in private.This process takes time. Growth doesn’t happen overnight. But when you finally emerge from this season, something amazing happens. You begin to:
- Notice the beauty in little things.
- Feel more present and intentional.
- Appreciate peace in a way you never have before.
It’s in this quiet space of solitude that you shed the old you and step fully into the person you were always meant to be.Healing is not a linear process, and it’s certainly not easy. It feels lonely, uncomfortable, and sometimes even painful. But that solitude isn’t a punishment, it’s preparation. You can’t bring the old you into the places where the new you are headed. So, when it feels like you’re alone on this journey, remember that solitude is making space for growth. You’re not losing yourself—you’re making room for who you’re becoming. You’re gaining. And trust me, when you step into that version of yourself, you’ll realize loneliness was worth it.
